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2025-12-02 10:30 pm
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The Meaning of HikkieP

 A few years ago I found the 3D music video for "I am a performer" and I was captivated. Though it took me until a while after that to look into the rest HikkieP's discography. I think HikkieP's songs inspired me maybe more than any other musical artist. His lyrics resonated with me, when I could find the English translations, the sounds were so rough and unpolished that it was charming. And the noise scratched an itch in my soul. So many of his songs are short, so that listening to them feels like eating little pieces of candy. Once you start you can't stop.
All those qualities made me realise how interesting you can make a song even with a small toolkit- I always worry I can't make my songs sound the way I want them to because I dont have a band, can't play guitar (at least not well) and I have only a basic level of digital production skills (as well as only using a free program). HikkieP's songs sound so lonely, but it makes me feel like I can do things on my own. I can make a song on my own and it doesn't have to be perfect, but creation itself is the reward, right?

I always wondered though, what is the meaning of HikkieP? It sounds like English "Hickey" so I guess I assumed it was that, or just a sound or cute nickname. Then I saw his description for "liberal pops" mentioned that that song was the song that made him choose his name. Obviously the lyrics aren't about hickeys and the word hikkie isnt said in the lyrics. I researched and turns out HikkieP stands for Hikikomori-P which I guess should've been obvious since so many of his songs sound like hikikomori anthems.
If you don't know what a hikikomori is, it's just the Japanese term for a shut-in, but it's a really big phenomenon there nowadays, especially with young men. But I feel like most people on the Internet know what that is anyways.
digitalalterego: (Default)
2025-11-29 01:00 pm

Overcoming Skill Issue

I started playing Identity V again after like... four years? 
I was intimidated by the amount of new characters added, but honestly as a hunter main I didn't have much to worry about. Because even though all survivors have unique skills (unlike Dead by Daylight) in low-mid tier you don't necessarily need to learn all their skills to be able to eliminate them. They are just bugs to be squished. When there's a bug in my room I don't care if the bug has venom, I'll just whack it before it has a chance to bite me. Right?

I used to main Sculptor and Bloody Queen, but coming back I've started using Geisha (who is simple and aggressive) and surprisingly Joseph more. I say surprisingly because I used to *hate* Joseph. I didn't like how he slowed matches down so much, I didn't like his design or his photo world skill. But I've overcome my prejudices. He is the most fun hunter I've played. It's such a unique playstyle, you rarely need to chase a survivor, and there is so much capacity for mindgames and jumpscares that are so enjoyable.

That's not to say I'm actually good at mindgaming... Actually I have a massive skill issue. I can think about what I *should* be doing as much as I want but as soon as I load in the map it all falls out my head and I turn to "take photo... kill. chair. kill. chair. hit. lose.". I've been watching sooo many guides because for the first time I actually found a character fun enough to wanna master!!! My favourite is Momo IDV, who is always on top of the Joseph leaderboard in NA/EU. Her videos are great because they are neither guides nor plain gameplay; she adds little notes and explanations on top of her games that show why she is making the decisions she is making and it is eternally helpful~ 
I also like Midnight Crystal's Joseph guides, she has a whole masterclass playlist for free and while I'm not finished them yet it's been very informative so far. I remember watching Devastery too a few years ago and I wanna start studying his gameplay as well.

But I realised the way to overcome my skill issue, is to watch my OWN matches again. I can't believe I never thought of it before. I always forget to save my replays so I might have to turn on auto-replay function. It's painful to review my own losses but I think it's important. 

I still don't like Joseph's design though, and I wanna grab a skin that can cover up the ugliness. I particularly want his Once skin, but it's echoes only so I need to consider very deeply if I actually wanna dip my toes in micro-transactions again (btw, apparently I've recharged over 9k echoes to my account. do I remember buying them? nope. do i remember where the hell they went? also nope).

I'm so happy to be playing this game again :)


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2025-11-15 11:02 pm
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Neo Devilman Chapter 5

This one is drawn by the man himself! Some people might see that as a positive. Not me. I find Nagai's later art pretty ugly and extremely stiff, and just all-round repulsive. I really find the way he draws Ryo/Satan so ugly, and it wasn't like that in the original manga. Akira looks pretty good though. Idk if that's an unpopular opinion but it's certainly one I wouldn't be sharing if I thought anyone reading this actually cared about defending the man. Never mind that though.

This chapter focuses on the final battle of Devilman, interspliced with an alternate first meeting of Akira and Ryo where they are classmates and friends. I don't particularly care about anything going on in this chapter. Miko is in it though! For about 2 whole panels! 

I also find the panels about Akira and Ryo hiking pretty funny because it's such a jarring change of pace from the battle. Obviously it's meant to contrast, but it doesn't work because this hiking scene isn't really showing anything. Because would Ryo and Akira really have gotten along like this? Personally I dont think so. Ryo isn't actually Akira's childhood friend, he's a completely different (non-human) guy who replaced him. Hang on... is The Summer Hikaru Died just modern Devilman???

And it ends with Ryo crying and Akira legless, like we've seen one billion times before. This chapter doesn't say anything interesting. But it's nice that Nagai contributed to this anthology.
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2025-11-15 10:53 pm
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Neo Devilman Chapter 4

 Yeah this one isn't particularly remarkable either. I do like the design of Akira, it's very different from any other design I've seen of him and I dont have enough devilman knowledge to know if the creator designed him themselves or if it comes from somewhere else. Nonetheless, he looks very cool and retro, and somehow even more like a typical action hero.

I also like the way the creator focuses on the demons' merging ability. This is something that was explained so fully in the original manga, but in all the other Devilman media I've consumed since it wasn't really explored further. The massive demon also has a crazy design, wow. Don't let Nagai see this or he'll be inspired to start drawing all his characters with triple nipples as well
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2025-11-14 11:31 pm
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Neo Devilman Chapter 3

There isn't much story to talk about in this one. Mainly it's just some gory demon rape and confusing hallucination/memory stuff. But damn, the art is so cool. I looked at the title page and knew I was in for a treat. This chapter is in full colour and the artist makes full use of that. Each panel could be an album cover, seriously. And this design of Amon is brilliant, you can really see how he combined and merged with different animals and demons to create his body the way it is. He just looks cool as fuck. So does Silene, even if she only shows up for a few panels. I don’t have anything to say about this chapter other than it's cool. I wish it had some more semblance of a story or meaning but as it is I still enjoyed it.

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2025-11-07 08:27 pm
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Neo Devilman Chapter 2

I read the second chapter and yeah, I was correct that it wasn't as good as the first. There is nowhere near as much to talk about...

This chapter starts with Miko! This is great for me, I like Miko, and she's such an underdeveloped character that it made me excited to see someone other than Nagai writing their own version of her. I enjoyed the first half of this chapter. I like the body horror theme of Miko's transformation, and it's interesting to see it happening in this way. I can relate to a lot of the teenage girl angst and pleading with God here, because I am after all, also a teenage girl.

But then Devilman shows up and the chapter just turns into the artist redrawing various Devilman scenes. At first it seems like Devilman is just telling Miko about demons and about his story, but then it turns into a game of "let's condense all of devilman into 17 pages for absolutely no reason". Nonetheless I liked the artwork so I still found it worth reading. I liked the panel of Miki's disembodied head, which is definitely one of the most iconic images from Devilman.

This chapter was a bit of a disappointment because I was excited to read more about Miko, but only half of the chapter was actually about Miko. Kinda makes me wanna redraw all those iconic scenes myself though... Maybe I should make it a challenge to draw my own copy of Devilman since the manga is so hard to find in English!

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2025-11-07 05:20 pm
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Neo Devilman Chapter 1

I've been making my way through a lot of Devilman content recently! I've got to say, the quality varies extravagantly between all the spin-offs, sequels and side-stories. I've gotta review some of those, eventually too. At the moment I'm reading Neo Devilman, and anthology full of short Devilman-related stories by different authors (including Go Nagai himself at times) so I wanted to write my thoughts about each chapter. These aren't necessarily canon, but the way the Devilman universe works they can be as canon as you like. I'm gonna treat them like canon, and try and fit them into the original story.

Chapter 1 is set during the end of Devilman, actually it's somewhat of an alternate ending. It has a lot of Christian imagery and lore woven in which I like, as well as a depiction of Satan's original punishment which is probably one of my favourite parts of the Devilman story to speculate on and imagine. And a surprising final page, but I'll talk about that last.

The world has been destroyed, both the humans and demons have been defeated, and Akira walks alone through the ruins of Tokyo. There is an image of Picasso's Guernica, which has a famously anti-war message just like Devilman. I love these kinds of allusions and references to art, maybe just cause it makes me feel a little smarter when I notice them. Although I do genuinely believe referencing other inspirational or related work in a piece of media truly makes it feel more deep and intentional, to the point that the creator really understands the message they are trying to convey enough to relate it to other works.

Then Akira meets Ryo, and he is transported to some kind of imaginary space, the kind of thing Psycho Jenny likes to do. But of course Satan is even more powerful in this aspect. The way they are sitting at a table and conversing here really reminds me of S3 E6 of Hannibal. I love love love Hannibal so I think I just see it whenever I go.

Ryo then begins to yap at Akira, as he does in the original ending. But what he says is very different. Honestly, and I've really tried to think about it, I dont get what Ryo is talking about at all. He speaks about having to destroy the earth to build the "Millenium Kingdom". My first thought was what the hell is that? It's a bible reference. The Millenium Kingdom is a future 1000 year reign of Jesus Christ, during which time an angel is sent to bind Satan and prevent him from deceiving humanity. At the end of the 1000 years, Satan will rebel one last time and then be destroyed for eternity. Huh? Why does Ryo want this? Ryo brings up another topic that answers this somewhat sketchily.

(Edit: okay, I wrote the next paragraph after re-watching Devilman Crybaby. this caused me to misremember Ryo's ending monologue, and confuse his original speech with the one from Crybaby. in the original manga, Ryo doesn't even talk about love, just talks about how foolish he has been and wishes for forgiveness. i still left the paragraph though because it's still a pet-peeve i had about Crybaby and i said some stuff i think is still relevant to Ryo's character)

Of course, that topic is his favourite non-existent concept of love. I think Satan is a very naive character. He only seems powerful from the lense of a human. On the level of an angel, he seems extremely emotionally naive. Saying that is the only way I can justify his strange relationship with the concept of love. In the original Devilman ending Ryo says that love doesn't exist, or at least that that's what he thought until he fell in love with the human Akira. This is a total contradiction! And a pet-peeve I've always had about the original story. What feeling was it that drove Satan to rebel against God, when He originally attempted to erase demons from the earth? Empathy. Or, love. Ryo knows love, in fact he should know it better than God himself. His compassion for the demons is no different than his compassion for Akira, and I dont understand how an intelligent character like him doesn't realise that!

Okay. I got a little off topic. Because in this conversation, Ryo does not say that love doesn't exist. What he says is more interesting; "I'm doing this out of my love for all humanity." My brain is in tatters. What Ryo is saying, is that his love for humanity (perhaps more specifically for Akira) is what has driven him to sacrifice both the human and demon race and bring about this Millenium Kingdom which, by the way, means he will be bound for 1000 years. If we consider this, it actually begins to make a bit of sense. Akira is the "angel" sent to bind Satan for 1000 years (and possibly to ultimately defeat him?). Actually, this only occurred to me while writing the post, and it made me understand the "surprising ending" a lot better!

After Ryo finishes his speech, we get a shot of Satan and Devilman standing face-to-face, ready to fight. Devilman should win, he should trap Satan and allow 1000 years of peace to flourish. But that isn't what he does. We cut back to the psychic dinner table, and Akira is suddenly leaning across it to kiss Ryo. I couldn't believe my eyes. If Ryo's motivation in this story were blurry, Akira's were bordering on the incomprehensible. But now, i understand. And his motivations are actually pretty similar to the original ending.

In the original ending Akira fights Ryo because he cant accept that anyone at all is beyond saving. After all, he has a hero's heart. He tries to defeat Ryo to put an end to his war not because he hates him, but because he cares about him. This ending is the same. Akira stays quiet throughout Ryo's entire monologue until that final moment. He could leave the table, he could walk away, like in the alternate ending from Shin Devilman. He could give up on Ryo. But he doesn't. Earlier, Ryo mentions that humanity should love him back for what he does for them, his act of keeping God's authority at bay. Return that apple-shaped offering of freedom that he planted in the garden of Eden all the way in the beginning. Akira kissing Ryo represents this. Akira represents humanity itself, finally returning the love that Ryo wanted. It isn't happy or sad, but personally I find it a very satisfying ending (even if I don't ship Ryo and Akira. Yeah, I said it).

Aside from the storytelling, the art is gorgeous. I love the line quality, effects, texture, depth, contrast, it's totally beautiful. The only problem I have with it is that I'm not a fan of the way Akira and Ryo's hair is drawn. And a little nitpick that some panels reuse the same drawings, just zoomed in or altered slightly. Other than that this Chapter was a visual treat. I especially loved the drawings of the massacred city with Xenon lying on top of the wreckage at the beginning.

Overall this was a really enjoyable comic, clearly the author cares about the Devilman story very much. It connected with the story without repeating it, a trap that so many Devilman rewrites and spin-offs fall victim to. I'll be surprised if any amount of the chapters in the rest of Neo Devilman are this good, but hopefully I'll get through them all and find out anyways.

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2025-10-27 09:36 pm
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Ugly Weighted Contacts Rant

There's this specific kinda weighted contacts that I keep seeing kpop idols wearing and I... REALLY DISLIKE THEM...

It's such a useless thing to get mad about! I don't know why I dislike them so much! The first time I saw an advertisement for these weighted contact lenses I thought cool, but I doubt anyone really needs that. Seems idol stylists disagree. The concept is that the contact lenses, unlike usual contact lenses which are the same thickness all around, are slightly thicker on the lower half of the lens. This means that you can put a design on the lens and it will always sit vertically. I can see uses for that in cosplay and stuff. But being a new innovative thing, they don't have many style options.

My main gripe is that the few colours and designs that they have so far are just plain ugly! I think the idols I see wear them all the time are XLOV. I don't think all members wear that style of lens but I've certainly seen Rui wear the pink ones a lot. It didn't bother me much when he wore it, because it was just in one eye which didn't allow me to fully appreciate the ugliness of those lenses. And of course Rui being the style goddess he is can pull off anything. 
Then ARTMS revealed the cover photo for Jinsoul's new single... Oh my god. The lenses are such eyesores! They don't look realistic, but neither do they look interesting or cool enough to justify being so unrealistic. They look photo-shopped on. And Choerry is wearing the same ones in her single cover! Goddess Artemis save me from the horrors!

This rant was entirely unserious by the way. I don't spend much of my time dwelling on idol's cosmetic products but when I saw these contacts for the billionth time it's like a demon crawled out of me.

I'm super excited for Choerry's solo song!
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2025-10-23 10:20 pm
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Three Honey Songs

I have a cough lately, and I've already gone through an entire bottle of honey just to soothe my throat.
I didn't like honey before, but ever since I discovered this effect of it I'm like an addict. My favourite way to have honey is to put it in warm milk with a little bit of turmeric. It's effective in 3 ways: the honey soothes your throat, warm milk makes you sleepy and turmeric is anti-inflammatory among many other things. At least that's what my mum says. It certainly works for me.

The honey obsession doesn't stop there. Aesthetically, it's like liquid amber. The colour is so rich and beautiful. The texture of honey is so decadent, it just screams excess and luxury.

These 3 title-sharing songs each embody the qualities of honey in 3 entirely different ways.




Raveena

This song is so calming (like all of Raveena's songs) and feels like milk and honey before bed. Which is literally in the lyrics. And the visuals are so soft and beautiful. It's a treat to hear and watch, truly. Honey is a natural sweetener, and this song feels so natural and down-to-earth.






L'arc~En~Ciel

I think this song embodies the sticky and decadent quality of honey. The lyrics have that feeling too, and the song is both energetic and bittersweet. The barbed-wire imagery is in such a contrast to that, and it gives me the message that it's worth getting stung a bit to collect something precious like honey.






KARA

This song is the sugary sweet side of honey. Personally I think this is one of the best electropop k-pop songs, and I regret that I've yet to listen to more of KARA's music. This song always cheers me up and makes me feel more light-hearted.