Hungry All the Time

Why am I hungry all the time?

Okay. Maybe I'm not the best at meeting all my meal-times. Maybe I'm a terrible cook. Maybe I just eat fruit and snacks all day. 
That can't be all it is though, right?

Because even when I've had a large meal, I'm not full. When I think I'm full, it takes me just a few minutes to feel hungry again. It's not my stomach that's empty, it's me. I'm hungry for life, and the way I'm living at the moment just isn't sustaining me.

What do I do all day? 

I waste every day away, and I'm only 18. I'm living like a retiree, all leisure and no work. Sure I study, but all my friends have actual jobs. They have actual responsibilities. My only responsibility is taking care of myself, to pursue happiness, and I struggle to do even that...

I worry often that I'm not a useful member of society, but perhaps that's a totally superficial worry. I think I just hate myself for not even playing a useful role in my own life, I can't even begin to consider my uselessness in a wider context.

I was born to create, but I only consume. Where to go from here? I have my whole life to decide, but that feels threatening rather than comforting.
Because what if this is all there is?
What if I never stop feeling hungry?

Baby Let's Kill the Romeo

(this post is actually from a couple days ago, I didn't upload correctly lol) I can't go ONE day without seeing that clip from Boys II Planet... The first time I saw it I didn't even find it particularly funny. But I've been Stockholm syndrome'd into finding it fucking hilarious. Everytime I see it it feels like a rick roll or something. I hear Sho's "Nye nye nye nye nye nye" in my sleep. I see Sexy's red suit in the autumn leaves. The yaoi proportions haunt me. It's impossible to escape. I haven't even watched Boys II Planet, or even Boys Planet. I'm cursed.